Are Relationship Standards Too High or Just Right?
Photo Credit: Larysa Vdovychenko via iStockPhoto.com
By: Jamila Gomez
In the discourse surrounding modern relationships, one prevalent question is whether the standards we hold for our partners and relationships are excessively high or appropriately ambitious. To dissect this query, it’s crucial to understand the multifaceted nature of what “standards” mean in the context of romantic relationships.
Firstly, standards in relationships often encapsulate expectations around communication, emotional support, mutual respect, and shared values. These benchmarks are not just whimsical desires but foundational elements that foster a healthy, sustainable relationship. Advocates for maintaining high standards argue that they are vital in ensuring that one is treated with dignity and respect, which are non-negotiable for any substantial relationship.
On the other hand, there’s a growing concern that some individuals may harbor unrealistic expectations fueled by external influences such as media portrayals of romance, social media comparisons, and peer pressures. These exaggerated ideals can include expecting a partner to fulfill every need, from being a best friend to an emotional healer, or to adhere to idealized physical or financial criteria. When such elevated expectations are set, they can create a chasm between reality and fantasy, potentially leading to disappointment and relationship breakdowns.
The key, then, to balancing relationship standards lies in distinguishing between what is essential for a healthy relationship and what is an idealized expectation. Communication, respect, trust, and affection are core needs that should not be compromised and are reasonable standards to uphold. Conversely, expecting a partner to look or behave perfectly at all times, or to intuitively understand every need without communication, are examples of potentially unattainable standards that can strain a relationship.
Moreover, it is beneficial to introspect whether one’s relationship standards are self-imposed barriers to intimacy. Personal insecurities and past traumas can often manifest as high walls of expectation, which serve more to protect than to partner. Being mindful and addressing these personal issues can help in moderating one’s expectations to a realistic level.
In addition, it is crucial for individuals to communicate their standards clearly and early in the relationship. This transparency not only helps in finding a compatible partner but also reduces misunderstandings later on. Mutual understanding and compromise are also key; a relationship is, after all, a partnership that thrives on give and take.
While it is vital to maintain certain standards in a relationship to ensure it is healthy and fulfilling, there is also a need to be mindful of setting realistic expectations that foster rather than hinder intimacy. Balancing these standards might require introspection, communication, and sometimes, compromise. Thus, relationship standards are not necessarily too high by default but should be just right to ensure both partners feel valued, respected, and loved.
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